Updates

It’s thirty days until we turn 16. Am I looking forward to it? Of course! Who doesn’t want to be able to pilot a glider? No, that wasn’t a euphemism – although, it did make me laugh.

This holiday has just begun and that means the blogging begins as well. Follow i’mafraidofthedark to keep updated because there is some really sick stuff to come. See ya.

Why this month could be the start or the end of my future

Woah… so that sounds a lot more dramatic than I expected. In all fairness, that’s how the teachers made it seem.

GCSEs. Four/five pointless letters that evoke fear deep in every teenager. Stress levels should be rocketing which is why I’m worried… because they’re not. It’s not like we’re that stupid, it’s just that when we sit down and open the paper all the words look wrong and we carn’t spel or cownt.

The funny thing is that we’ve already been forced to choose our A-Levels which will dictate the course of our entire lives. We can barely spend a night alone without burning the house down – so why are they making us choose our jobs? Let’s be honest. Can we be frank with each other, person-I’ve-never-met? Here’s the deal…I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA WHAT I’M DOING!

They gathered two hundred of us into one room and handed out green sheets of paper. We know whatya doin’! Just because the A-Level form’s been printed on green paper doesn’t mean that it’s any easier or any more fun. In fact, if you wanted to make it easy for us, then you should have given us boxes to tick because I’m pretty sure I spelt mafamitacs methimitecs mathematics wrong.

To every teenager out there… you are not alone. There are thousands of us who sat that maths exam and who had to check on our calculators that 1 plus 4 equals 6 but we got there in the end.  It doesn’t matter that we don’t understand what’s going on in the news because we can  crack out a bit of Pythag and do…something… with that. Mostly nothing they teach us is not not useful…

We’ve got this.

So you think you can dance? Pfft… please.

This is not possible:

….but be grateful for small mercies, at least you don’t dance like this:


Oh wait… that’s right, you do.

It’s Friday night, everyone’s hitting the parties and the clubs so this post is perfectly timed. You may recognise the above two moves as some you demonstrate tonight. Television has accepted that humanity is doomed to complete and utter embarrassment with regards to dancing. Luckily for you, I’m here to help. I’m not here to mock you because you dance like a complete fool . 

Women. There will be no Beyoncé Single Ladies dancing – this leads to us being single.

Men. This is what you think you look like:

I hate to break it to you, but this is what you really look like:

Try dancing in the mirror until you start dancing well. Fewer big movements and move your hips a little. If you start to look like Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air then stop and do the opposite.

Enjoy your Friday night.

Hi.

Raise your hand if you’re afraid of the dark. It’s not so much the dark that scares people, it’s the shadow that looks like a person standing in the corner waiting for you to fall asleep. I’m a professional human-being who has lived through the end of the world twice, don’t worry I know my stuff.

This blog has nothing to do with the dark. It has to do with everything but the dark.

I’m blogging so that when you have that free hour when you’re supposed to be doing something important, you can laugh at things I’ve done, check out some tunes and just generally procrastinate.

I don’t know how to introduce myself. So… after three seconds of careful deliberation I am going to link you to three of the songs I was listening to this morning and you can decide whether or not you want to keep reading – because obviously that’s extremely rational.